Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples]

Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples]

Yukira1234 Deconectat

Cinema Bizarre addicted :X

Răspunsuri: 99
Subiecte: 8
Data înregistrării: Nov 2007
Reputație: 6
Zupi: 645 z

04-02-2009, 03:53 PM

Deci ti-am citit ficul Fire_Candy_Mira !
Pai ideea nu e rea dar am cate ceva de comentat.
Ai foarte mult dialog, in unele parti sec, si putina descriere. Poti sa folosesti monolog in loc de dialog.

"-Ca ii voi deschide imediat. (spuse Seguchi zambind fals)"
Aici nu trebuia sa pui in paranteza ce persoana zice acele vorbe. Puteai scrie:
-Ca ii voi deschide imediat. Spune Seguchi zambind fals.
Asa poti sa pui si la restul.
Greseli de tastare n-am prea vazut decat cateva:
"probabilca" - probabil ca
Si mai am sa-ti dau un sfat: pentru ca textul sa arate mai frumos ai putea scrie in loc de numere adica in loc de "3 ani" sa scri "trei ani". Acesta ar fi doar un sfat pe care il respecti doar daca vrei tu.
Cam asta am avut de spus!
Succes in continuare si astept sa vad cum evoluezi!
Ja ne!
:bye:

When you can live forever what do you live for?

[Imagine: 20f8b2g.png]

Cinema Bizarre Addicted!

Yu fangirl :love:

If no one is perfect, why do you wanna be perfect?

Metal Addicted :X

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Răspunsuri în acest subiect

Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 03-02-2009, 10:03 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yukira1234 - 04-02-2009, 03:53 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 04-02-2009, 10:00 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yukira1234 - 04-02-2009, 11:39 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de myuu - 05-02-2009, 12:30 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 06-02-2009, 11:04 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de myuu - 06-02-2009, 05:08 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ryuu - 07-02-2009, 02:05 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 07-02-2009, 02:53 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 08-02-2009, 01:22 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 08-02-2009, 04:21 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 11-02-2009, 10:33 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yukira1234 - 13-02-2009, 12:37 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 13-02-2009, 08:24 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Miyaki - 13-02-2009, 09:59 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de angeliqueVampire - 16-02-2009, 04:56 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ely-chin - 18-02-2009, 08:12 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 07-03-2009, 11:13 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 08-03-2009, 12:36 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ely-chin - 08-03-2009, 06:55 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 21-03-2009, 11:03 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 21-03-2009, 11:36 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Miyaki - 22-03-2009, 09:04 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 30-03-2009, 09:35 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de love_anime - 30-03-2009, 09:46 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Elusive wolf - 30-03-2009, 09:50 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 30-03-2009, 09:55 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de chrissta - 30-03-2009, 10:25 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 06-04-2009, 08:20 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de love_anime - 06-04-2009, 08:32 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 06-04-2009, 08:39 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ely-chin - 07-05-2009, 05:39 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 18-05-2009, 05:11 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 18-05-2009, 05:43 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 24-07-2009, 06:16 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 24-07-2009, 06:30 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de love_anime - 24-07-2009, 06:39 PM

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