Life Hurts

Life Hurts

DeDal N. Deconectat

Double D. Kiss
Helsing

Răspunsuri: 1.371
Subiecte: 93
Data înregistrării: Dec 2009
Reputație: 1.389
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#22

30-01-2011, 05:11 PM

Ai lasat cam mult spatiu liber intre fraze. Plus de asta, nu ar trebui sa folosesti emoticoane intr-un fic, chiar deloc. Ai avut mult dialog si asta imi place dar incearca sa il dezvolti ceva mai mult, ca sa nu fie 'sec'. Alte greseli nu am vazut, doar cateva semne de punctuatie puse aiurea. In rest e OK.

Actiunea, actiunea imi place. Fata asta a trecut prin multe si totusi rezista. Nu vreau sa ma gandesc cat de intunecat ii e sufletul, sper doar ca va fi cineva care sa o faca cu adevarat fericita, nu doar sa profite de ea si sa o batjocoreasca. Imi place cum decurge totul, tine-o tot asa. Buh Bye !!!

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Răspunsuri în acest subiect

Life Hurts - de Addeh - 04-01-2011, 12:00 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Dufresne - 04-01-2011, 12:56 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 04-01-2011, 07:15 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 05-01-2011, 07:43 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de wonderCaT - 05-01-2011, 09:06 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de DeDal N. - 07-01-2011, 08:54 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de ultimate wulf - 07-01-2011, 10:32 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 08-01-2011, 02:11 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 08-01-2011, 07:36 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Beatrix LaVey - 09-01-2011, 04:01 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 12-01-2011, 08:56 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de wonderCaT - 12-01-2011, 11:09 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 16-01-2011, 03:51 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 16-01-2011, 04:08 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Beatrix LaVey - 16-01-2011, 04:14 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 21-01-2011, 11:04 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de DeDal N. - 21-01-2011, 11:16 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 22-01-2011, 03:05 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Dufresne - 29-01-2011, 08:56 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 30-01-2011, 04:53 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 30-01-2011, 05:07 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de DeDal N. - 30-01-2011, 05:11 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de wonderCaT - 30-01-2011, 07:49 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Dufresne - 30-01-2011, 11:13 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de n{iK}a aMmA - 30-01-2011, 11:18 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 17-02-2011, 11:55 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de DeDal N. - 17-02-2011, 07:20 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Katniss - 17-02-2011, 08:01 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 18-02-2011, 07:24 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Nixu - 18-02-2011, 08:31 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 05-03-2011, 01:34 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de DeDal N. - 05-03-2011, 01:58 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 05-03-2011, 02:58 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Rinnie - 05-03-2011, 03:32 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 07-03-2011, 01:42 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 07-03-2011, 02:07 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de ..Chris. - 07-03-2011, 02:15 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Nixu - 07-03-2011, 04:38 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Rinnie - 07-03-2011, 07:57 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de MiraA - 09-03-2011, 10:50 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 27-03-2011, 01:53 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 09-04-2011, 12:15 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 09-04-2011, 12:40 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Nixu - 09-04-2011, 06:40 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 10-04-2011, 02:06 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Katniss - 11-04-2011, 10:39 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de MiraA - 12-04-2011, 10:46 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 13-04-2011, 08:21 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 14-04-2011, 05:54 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Nixu - 14-04-2011, 06:25 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 14-04-2011, 06:38 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de ..Chris. - 19-04-2011, 11:03 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Zouly - 19-04-2011, 01:13 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 19-04-2011, 03:25 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de wonderCaT - 22-04-2011, 09:35 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 11-05-2011, 04:56 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Katniss - 11-05-2011, 05:45 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de ..Chris. - 11-05-2011, 08:19 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 15-05-2011, 10:19 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de SnowFlake. - 21-05-2011, 09:01 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 05-06-2011, 01:08 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Katniss - 05-06-2011, 02:20 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 05-06-2011, 08:50 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Flash - 05-06-2011, 11:05 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 24-06-2011, 11:43 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 05-07-2011, 05:35 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Nixu - 05-07-2011, 07:04 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 08-07-2011, 08:46 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Nixu - 08-07-2011, 11:40 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 19-07-2011, 02:00 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 24-07-2011, 09:14 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 03-08-2011, 07:23 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 04-08-2011, 09:12 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 07-08-2011, 11:20 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 08-08-2011, 12:39 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Miss M - 08-08-2011, 01:13 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 19-08-2011, 10:58 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Addeh - 07-09-2011, 11:14 AM

RE: Life Hurts - de Kayla. - 07-09-2011, 06:27 PM

RE: Life Hurts - de LoLix - 07-09-2011, 08:59 PM

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