Am I not good enough?

[BloodyInnocence]

Nu cititi! primul capitol de urmatorul.L-am rescris!
deci este prima mea poveste in engleza asa ca doresc critici constructive. este o poveste de dragoste cu multa fantezie, dar nu de aceea la care va ganditi. personajele sunt 100% umane.

Am I not good enough?

`Am I not good enough for you? Aren`t my tears that are coming from deep within my heart enough for you to believe me when I tell you that you are hurting me? Tell me why can`t you believe the truth, the only truth that I tell you? Why can`t you love me?`
Every night I write these words and every night I erase them and try to sleep, but can`t and when the sleep doesn`t come I just end up at the laptop and write these words again and erase them again. Is a continuous circle from wich I can`t escape. I guess you are wondering what I`m talking about, nothing new under the blue sky, but let me explain. Those words are for someone special, someoane dear but I can`t tell her that because she has a boyfriend, they are in love with each other or maybe she is the only one who`s giving love. I can`t tell the same thing about him, didn`t even met the guy... but you know, there is something strange about her. She once said to me that her and him were meant to be together, that their love has survived for decades only to be revived in this era, but how can something like this be? I mean, come on, something like love at first sight doesn`t exist or maybe it does exist?. I guess that she is still in the state of teenage love even though she has twenty one years but if she is still in that faze, in wich faze am I? I loved her from the first moment that my eyes had set on her beautiful face, she was at the airport, saying good-bye to her boyfriend. She doesn`t remember, because her eyes didn`t leave a second his face, but I saw her, even though a bunch of girls were screaming and wanted my autograph.
I think to much.
I better go to sleep, it is late and I really need some rest. I`ll talk about this some
other time.

**********************************************************

Beep, beep, beep.
`Oh! Shut up already!` I yell hitting the clock who was trying to wake me.
I turn on my other side, trying to go back to my sweet dream where all was so perfect but after a couple of mintes I get up frustrated. It is only ten pas six in the morning, so early.
I so hate this bedroom, even though this room is decorated like I want. The walls are painted in a dark blue and the ceiling it was made to look just like the night sky. I have my moments, sometimes I hate it, sometimes I love it. Now I hate the way the dark wood doors that lead to the closet look and hate these blue sheets that are made from silk. And then my eyes, my dark blue sometimes royal blue eyes stop on the silver laptop and I see those cursed few lines of words.
Haven`t I erased them last night? I can`t remember.
At the sight of those lines I feel the most excrutiating pain that I ever felt. The moonlight stops the cruelty of reality to hurt me, but when the suns rays appear the veil that was protecting me disappers and every thing hurts. If I had to put a name on this feeling then one word isn`t enough, it is like loneliness, sadness, depression hit me in the same moment and I feel like I`m standing on the edge of a pitt of nothing, I stare into a black nothing when I hear the phone ring and wakes me.
`Hello?` I ask still thinking about that pit in wich I almost fell.
`Hey man! What are you doing? Have you forgot yet again that you are suppose to met me and Jason?` say`s my best friend, Mat.
Mat is a twenty two year old boy, very tall, not very smart but he`s a very good friend with short black hair that he always takes care of like his life depends on the way it looks, big black eyes with high cheekbones and a very imposing chin. He looks like a roman soldier and I always make fun of the hard lines of his face, but he doesn`t mind, he even laughs about is too. Still, even though he is one of my best friend, I haven`t told him about my infatuation with her. I mean, what can I tell him? Mat, you know, I`m deeply in love with Ablase, I would give my life just to see her happy. He`ll say that I lost it and maybe I have, but that doesn`t change my feelings for her.
`Trying to sleep, I think. But it seems that you and my clock are in some kind of coalition named: „Do not let Seya sleep.”. I swear one of these days I`ll sue you and my clock beacause the two of you deprive me of my sleep` I tell him with a groampy voice.
`Like I never heard that before and by the way, you are aware that you said you`re gonna sue your clock?`
`Shut you mouth and get to the point already` I yell in the phone hopeing he`ll go deaf for a couple of seconds.
`Okay, okay, you don`t have to scream. Damn man, you almost sound like a girl. Anyway, get your lazy rear out of bed and met me and Jason at our spot. Understand?`
`Yeah, yeah...`I want to continue but I hear the other line close so I stop.
There is no point in talking to myself so I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. I take a quick look at my reflection and decide that a little water will do to make my hair look a little less messier and a little decent. I have short black hair with a long ponytail at the back but where I have short hair it is imposible to try to comb it. Many people think that my hairstyle is weird, but that is what I like about it. Then I take a quick shower, brush my teeth and then I go to put something on me because I`m in no mood to be the „big shoot” on campus I don`t care what I grab so I end up with a pair of wide dark blue jeans and a tight blue sleveless shirt and out the door I go.
When I attempt to leave through the door the chain that is hooked to my pants gets tangled in the doorknob. In that moment I remember that the pants are not exactly clean but I don`t have time to go back and change. Damn, I have to be more carefull about these kind of things, even though I don`t care much about my appearence I don`t want to wear filthy clothes.
I live in an apartment in a quiet neighborhood on the tenth floor and it takes me about ten minutes to get down because the fucking elevator is broken so when I get to my friends it is already half past seven and they are very impatient and angry.
`Hey!` I say.
`What is wrong with you?` yells Jason.
`I called you man! Where were you?` asks Mat while he get`s up.
`Yeah, well...` I try to tell them but Jason interups me.
`You were day-dreaming again. We know.`
`Here comes trouble.` whispers Mat hitting Jason in the arm.
And indeed trouble comes in the room. It looks just like a girl with two heads shorter than me, long golden-brown hair, beautiful green eyes, long lashes and a pair of lips very atractive. Her neck is just like a swan`s, her breasts are not to big but not smal either and she has a waist like a wasps and long straight legs. She is wearing a beautiful short blue with white flowers dress and is breathtaking. She looks exactly like she looked in that day on the airport, so beautiful, so charming, so happy. She isn`t frowning and a smile is embellishing her features. I bet that she got news from her boyfriend, only when she talkes to him she is like this and I hate it. I hate the fact that only him can make her smile, make that unique smile appear on her face. But of course, Mat isn`t talking about her, by the way her name is Ablase, he is talking about her friend, Rhoslyn who is a short girl with brown little puppy eyes and big mouth, very big mouth. Oh, how I hate that girl but Jason has a crush on her so I guess she can`t be that bad...
`Hello! What are you three up to?` screams Rhoslyn.
Have I forgot to tell you that she is very loud? I tell you now. She`s loud like an ambulance siren or a police one. I really can`t tell, I try to keep my hearing while being in her proximity.
`Good-morning! Says Ablase when she comes close to us.
She is so gentle, so fragile... she always talks so soft like she is afraid to distrub someone. Sometimes I wonder how can people hear what she says especially when Rhoslyn „The Siren” is always with her.
Jason goes to Rhoslyn to hug her but she doesn`t let him. Rhoslyn doesn`t really likes Jason but he is so blind by his „love” for her to see the reality. We, as good friends, try to open his eyes. No succesc in this matter. He still hope`s that some of this days she`ll come around and see that he is hers soul mate. Jaon is such a hopeless romantic wich isn`t that bad, unless you met someone who hates romance, believe me they exist, in this case that persone will be Rhoslyn wich is a conniving, money hunter little bitch. I really think that she only talkes to us beacause we have money and I`m a known singer. I`ve seen her many times ignoring lots of good people just because they weren`t in out league. She is like the queen bitch around here, everyone loves to hate her. I mean, they love her when she is around, but when her back is turned they all talk about her, not about good things I assure you. Right now Rhoslyn is totally ignoring Jason and is rubbing against my shoulder.
`What do you want?` I ask her looking down to see her eyes in a not so polite tone but not impolite either.
`Don`t be so malicious! I just have a tiny favour to ask of you.` she says winking at me, trying to be friendly but she is scary.
`No. I have to go to class. See ya`! come on, Ablase. We`re gonna be late!` I tell them and grab Ablase`s hand.
Mat is smiling, trying very hard not to burst into laught while Rhoslyn is getting redder by the second. I really believe that she doesn`t comprehend what has happened, not many people says no to Rhoslyn Lawson, the only daughter of the most famous lawyer in town, so when it happens she gets very furious. I`m sorry that I let that nuclear bomb with Mat and Jason but I got to get to class, anyway I`ll make it up.
In this moment I really don`t care. I`m a bad friend but how can`t I be when she is here with me, holding my hand and beacause of her closeness I faze out.
I see her in front of me standing on ther knee in the mud that defiles her long crinoline. She is wearing a red corset that is makeing her waist even more thin and highlights her breasts with long splay sleeves and blood red silk skirt. She looks good, even though red doesn`t suit her, but in this moment she looks awful because she has red eyes due to crying. That no good fiance made her cry again! That makes me angry, angry enough that I`ll go and challenge him on a duel. If only I had met her first, if only she hadn`t been engaged to that piece of shit when I had met her. I wouldn`t have let a single drop of tear fall from her eyes, I wouldn`t have had the heart to bring sadness to her features. How could I have made this angel so sad?
I want to tell her all this things so I fall down in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders and wait for her to rise her eyes, to look into my blue one`s. I wait for her eyes to met mine to tell her all the things that had crossed my mind all those lonely nights when I stayed awake thinking of nothing but hernevertheless that isn`t what escapes my mouth.
`Am I not good enough?` I hear myself asking her.
She only says his name hurting me even more but I swear that I`ll be by her side always, no matter the pain that she`ll cause me. I`ll be there for her wipeing her tears and trying to put a smile on her face.

[dark.blue]

Hello!
Un nou fic, o noua reusita, nici nu ma steptam la altceva din partea ta. Imi place foarte mult descrierea ta fizica, iar modul in care ai descris sentimentele lui Seya m-a lasat fara cuvinte ( am mai observat si ca ai folosit mult cuvantul "blue" :x ) . La inceput credeam ca personajul principal e fata, niciodata nu m-as fi gandit ca un baiat ar fi putut scrie asa ceva, iar ma apoi cand am aflat ca de fapt este un baiat, credeam ca o sa fie un tip timid, linistit, si sentimentalist, dar cand am mai aflat si ca este un star cu o freza ciudata chiar nu am mai stiut ce sa cred. Pe parcurs am inceput sa il inteleg si sa imi placa atitudinea lui ciudata. Adooor descrierea pe care i-ai facut-o lui <<Rhoslyn „The Siren”>> =)) . Am mai gasit si cateva greseli, dar nu sunt un as in engleza, asa ca o sa las pe alticineva sa ti le corecteze. Abia astept sa postezi urmatorul capitol.
Buh bye si spor la scris >:D<

[She]

Hey. : )
Imi place acest prim capitol. : x Si eu credeam la inceput ca personajul principal este fata. ; ))
Imi place ca scrii in engleza, stapanesti bine limba, desi am vazut si cateva greseli. Nu ca as fi eu cine stie ce geniu al englezei, dar in fine, here I go:
say`s my best friend
get`s up
... si mai era inca ceva asemanator pe-acolo, dar nu mai gasesc acum.

Totusi tind sa cred ca acestea sunt greseli de tastare, si nu de gramatica, deoarece in alte locuri ai scris corect. Cred ca ti-ai dat seama ca ma refeream la faptul ca formele corecte erau: "says my best friend", "gets up", deoarece verbele sunt la persoana a IIIa si apar acele "s"-uri. Dar, cum am mai zis, in alte locuri ai scris corect, deci nu e o problema.

Si pe undeva ai scris "hopeing" - corect este "hoping", deoarece daca ar ramane acel "e" acolo, ar fi prea multe vocale si pronuntia ar fi mai grea.

In schimb, naratiunea, descrierea si dialogul sunt foarte bune. : x Descrii mult mai bine in engleza decat o fac altii in romana, bravo! : x Am remarcat si eu, cum a zis si dark.blue, ca descrii foarte bine fizicul personajelor, astfel incat nu devine monoton. Si e bine ca ai vorbit si despre sentimente, asta a dat un aer captivant capitolului.
Si imi plac la nebunie numele personajelor. : x

Stiu ca ai cerut critici constructive, dar... uhm, nu prea am ce critica. ^^ Nu pot decat sa apreciez, deoarece scrii foarte bine.: )
Succes in continuare si muuulta inspiratie! >:d<

[BloodyInnocence]

ok, deci o sa fie prima si ultima oara cand rescriu un capitol si sa il postez. o sa incerc sa nu pun capitolele decat dupa ce sunt ultra-mega multumita cu ele;)) mai ales astea in engleza.
Multumesc celor care au comentat, scuze pentru repetitie.:o3
Din nou, primul capitol al povestii.


Am I not good enough?


`Am I not good enough for you? Aren`t my tears that are coming from deep within my heart enough for you to believe me when I tell you that you are hurting me? Tell me why can`t you believe the truth, the only truth that I tell you? Why can`t you love me?`

I write these words and then erase them every night since that fateful day, when for a split second our eyes met, loved her from that first moment. She was at the airport, saying good-bye to her boyfriend. She doesn`t remember, because her eyes hadn`t left a second his face. But I do, even though a bunch of girls were screaming all around me.

Until that day, didn`t believe in love at first sight. It seemed so impossible, that something like that to exist, especially for someone like me. Actually, I didn`t believe in love and point, this is where it should end for me. Because a superstar like me can`t have true love in their life and so I gave it up for my career. That is my fate: to have around me people who want every time something, not caring about feelings. So I thought that I reach a point where I can`t feel anymore, but she proved me wrong just by existing.

“Love” this word pops in my mind every second, tormenting me.
What else can I call these sleepless nights in which I try to sleep, but can`t, in which find myself typing those damn words again and again without having the intention of sending them to their rightful owner.

Yes, “damn words” because they became my curse. They don`t let me sleep, always appearing in front of my closed lids written with fire. They are tormenting me worse than her picture, if that is even possible.

“Rightful owner” these bring images of that person in front of my eyes. I see her sky blue eyes looking with such innocence that makes me wonder if she is really real.
“To good to be true” someone whispers into my ear.
“Maybe… or maybe not” I whisper back.
She is like a character from a story I read, long ago. What was her name? The Maiden of Light. Yes, so beautiful, so perfect that in my mind she can`t be real. But is and not mine to have.

The truth hurts so bad… my heart bleeds every time I remember that obstacle between me and her. If only she was single… if only…
“She is not yours. Never will be.” A voice in my head keeps telling me, but can`t convince my heart to let go of her voice, of her looks, her lips…
I feel asleep in my bed, while my mind kept thinking of her. An angel among mear mortals…
Usually, I don`t dream but when I do, can`t remember anything. This time, when sleep took claim of my unconscious form I had a dream. A weird one.

I see her in front of me, standing on her knees in the mud that defiles the crinoline.
In my mind there is no doubt that the girl standing there is the same as the one I love, even though the scenery is so different, like from another time.
She is wearing a red corset that is making her waist thin and emphasized her breasts. The crimson dress has long splay sleeves and is made from silk.
Bet she looked beautiful, even though red didn`t suit her, when she left the house this morning. But that doesn`t matter anymore, because her eyes were red due to crying for hours.
“That no good fiancé did this!” I thought.
It makes me angry. Angry enough that I will go and challenge him to a duel.
If only I had met her first, if only she hadn`t been engaged to that piece of dirt when I met her. But the past is the past. Can`t change it, no matter how much I wish it. Wouldn`t had let a single drop of tear fall from her eyes, wouldn`t had had the heart to bring sadness to her features. How could I make this angel so sad?

I want to tell her all this things so I fall down in front of her putting my hands on her shoulders, waiting for her eyes to rise, to look into my midnight blue ones. While waiting for her to meet my eyes I`m thinking of all the things that I should say to her. All those thoughts that crossed my mind in those lonely nights when I stayed awake thinking of nothing but her.
Nevertheless that isn`t what escapes my mouth.
`Am I not good enough?` hear myself asking.
She only says his name hurting me even more but swear that I`ll be by her side always, no matter the pain that will cause me. I will be there wiping her tears and trying to put a smile on her face.

Beep. Beep. Beep

`Oh! Shut up already!` Yell hitting the clock that was trying to wake me.
Trying to go back to that weird dream, I turn on the other side. Want to see what happened next, what the couple did next but after a couple of minutes trying in vain to grasp that dream I get up frustrated. It is only ten pas six in the morning.
So early.

I hate this room, even though I was the one that decorated it. The walls are painted in a dark blue and the ceiling looks like the night sky. My bed is in the middle, in my right being the closet that was made from oak and has a design of roses on the doors. Next to the closet is my desk on which sits my laptop. In my left stands a big mirror, my height and next to it is the door that led to the bathroom. It is a simple arrangement that sometimes I love or hate, it really depends on my mood.
My eyes wander the bedroom, searching for something, anything. They stop on the silver laptop with a red star in the center.
“Haven`t erased those words last night?” can`t remember.
I get up and open the lid just to find those lines looking back at me. The most excruciating pain hits me.
The moonlight stop the cruel reality from hurting me, but when the sun rays appear the veil that was protecting me disappears and every little thing hurts. I don`t have enough words to describe it, don`t know if I want to.
I see only despair, my heart tears into shreds and almost lost my breath when the phone rings, saving me.

[Moon princess]

Fara cuvinte! E atat de frumoasa povestea! Si o povestesti din perspectiva lui Seiya.
Imi place la nebunie cum ii exprimi sentimentele tanarului...si acel vis pe care l-a avut ...banuiesc
ca domnisoara in corsetul rosu e nimeni alta decat Usagi. Deci, dupa ce-a vazut-o la aeroport el aluat-o razna si parca ar cunoate-o din alta viata, nu? asta am inteles eu...
oricum ideea e f frumoasa, mai ales ca e cu sailor moon, preferata mea. Sper ca din al doilea capitol vor incepe sa apara si niste dialoguri pe acolo...
cam atat am avut de spus asa ca-ti urez succes in continuare :*

:bye:

[BloodyInnocence]

thx moon princess;) uita-ti continuarea!

I answer without looking at the caller id to see who`s calling me at this hour.

"Hello?" ask, waiting a reply from the other end.

"Seiya?" someone I don`t recognize asks.

Still under the influence of sleep I can`t put a face tot the voice I hear no matter how much I try.

"That`s me. Who`s calling?" a small smile arising on my face.

Nothing. Not even the noise of someone breathing. Dead silence. Creepy.

"Is someone there?"

I feel my eyebrows rising while curiosity and concern make their appearance.

"Seiya…" that same someone whispers.

It creeps me out. I can`t figure out if it is a woman`s or a man`s voice but I don`t like it one bit. Something is off, really, truly off..

"Hey. If you want to talk with me start talking or I`ll put an end to this so called `conversation`." I say a bit angry.

Who has the nerve to make jokes at this early hour of the morning? I`m not in the mood for things like this today. Had a awful night. Actually, if I think about it, I haven`t been in the mood for anything since I met her. Well… since I`ve seen her. Didn`t actually met, yet.

Then realizing what I was thinking about, I shook my head, trying this way to get rid of those thoughts.

Why do I always have to find myself on that road again? Can`t I just, for once, go through a hour without thinking about that blonde? Bet she`s stupid, only has her fair beauty by her side. So why I can`t get myself to forget about her?

I forget about the one on the other end for a couple of moments, but it reminds me of its presence.

"Don`t let her go" whispers in a creepy voice that sends chills down my spine.

"Let who go" ask confuse.

Don`t know what it is talking about.

"Don`t make the same mistake again…" it continues without seeming to hear what I had ask.

And then it disappears. Just like that the conversation, if you can call that a conversation, ends. When I look at my cell, I see that no one has called.

How can this be? I`m sure that I have talked or at least it talked to me. Am I delusional?

Don`t think so. Must be still sleeping.

Yes, that it is, I`m still dreaming.

But when pinching myself nothing happens.

"Ok… I`m going crazy, aren`t I?... Not my favorite answer, though." I say out loud just to hear my voice.

I`m all lone in my three bedroom apartment and it gets lonely sometimes. Really lonely. On occasions, I break this loneliness bringing some chick to spend the night, but she always leaves in the morning, knowing that I don`t want to see her face again. A one night stand, that`s all it takes to put me in my mood again, usually. But isn`t working these days. I`m okay with this arrangement. At least they know where they stand. But as usual, my mind wanders back to that road, to that blond girl with weird hair.

I saw her once for God`s sake! And that was three weeks ago! Why can`t I forget her? How can she torment me these way?

The most painful thing is that I know deep down that I won`t see her again. New York City is so big, how can I find someone without knowing nothing about the person I`m looking for?

Yeah, sure, how can I forget? I know she`s engaged. Couldn`t miss the big tactless pink diamond on her ring finger. That awful thing just shouts: "Engaged" to everyone that sees it. As if that wasn`t enough I have to have this weird dreams disturbing my sleep.

What do they mean? I really don`t have a clue.

Why am I having them? Haven`t the slightest idea. But it all started on that fateful day when the blond caught my eye.

My cell rings again waking me from the deep thought that had me in its grasp. This time I carefully pick it up and look at the caller id before answering. One weird thing a day and at a time, don`t want to have a heart attack.

It wrote: "Scot". He is my manager so I just know that he has something important to tell.

Scot is a very intelligent man, actually, I believe that he`s a genius but can`t figure out why he chose being a manager for idols of all the things that he could be and accomplish. He is twenty five years old and has a beautiful wife named Amy, she is a doctor and as smart as him, maybe even smarter taking in account her chosen career. They are just like the family I never had and wanted.

"Good-morning, Scot!" I greet him forgetting all about the other call.

"Good-morning, Seiya-kou!"

I hate it when he calls me that. "Kou" in Japanese means prince and I`m far from being one. But it`s his one little joke about my name, that I have to mention he gave it to me. I didn`t have a name before, I just was called Seiya.

"Look, I told you before. Stop calling me that with that tone. I`m no prince. Sure, you gave me the name Kou Seiya, but that doesn`t mean that you have to joke about it every time we talk." I say sighing.

"You`re close, though. Another album or two and you`ll be set for life, you know." He answers.

I can see him smiling, while sitting in a chair and looking at a picture of him and his wife. He loves her so much.

"Yeah… Why did you call me at this early hour, anyway?"

"You don`t seem your happy self today, Seiya. Having girl problems?"

He hit it dead on, like always. But this time I don`t even want to acknowledge what he said. I ignore his question, which I know that he will interpret as a "Yes", and change the subject.

"Get to the point already, will you?" I say rising my voice.

"You have a photo shot for your next album cover. Be there at twelve pm."

"Be where?" ask.

"I went to the trouble to rent you a limousine while you are there. Don`t want my star to get killed by his fans now, do I?"

I turn of my phone without saying "Good-bye" because I know that that question was his way to tell me that the conversation was over. My relationship with Scot is kind of strange. He acts more like a big brother, than a manager. I suspect this happens because he understands where I came from and what had to live through. And also, because his wife will beat the crap out of him if he doesn`t "play" nice.

At this thought I begin to laugh while imagining Amy with a pan in hand chasing Scot through the room.

[BloodyInnocence]

But I stop myself going on that road before my memories of my childhood will surfaces. Don`t want to remember them, feel like I can`t handle those right now.
Getting up from bed, I`m going in the bathroom to take a long, warm bath. I just love taking a bath because the warm water always soothes my aching muscles and also banishes my thoughts.
I get in my white, big, corner bathtub and let the water engulf my body, cleansing me from all my troubles. Closing my eyes, I let myself float on the clouds.

After an hour I get out of the bath and go to the sink to brush my teeth and shave. After another a half an hour, I finally get out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel around my lower waist, on my tights and another one drying my long, silky, pitch black hair.
May sound a bit vain, but I just love my hair. Don`t really know why, but just do.
I plopped on the couch in my living room, turning on the television to pass the time. It is only nine o`clock and I have nothing to do until twelve. Nothing on television either.

“What am I going to do?” I ask myself trying to figure out a way to pass the time.
My living room is like any other living room. A black, leather couch in the middle, a twenty one inch lcd Samsung right in front of the glass coffee table. A bar from pin wood is sitting in the right corner of the room, a couple of feet from the television. Three shelves with books are hanging on the wall that had the door which lead to the hall that lead outside.

Two walls are black and two are a deep red, the ceiling is in a dark red and the floors are from dark lacquered oak. A typical bachelor flat.
At ten past ten o`clock someone is knocking on my door, I know the time because just when I hear de knock I was looking at my clock.

“On moment, please!” I scream so that whomever it is doesn`t leave.
I still have only that towel on me but when I`m about to go put something on me, I hear a second knock on the wooden frame, this time much more louder than the first. So I sprint to the door. Don`t want that person leaving. Don`t know why I don`t. it is something weird that is telling me not to let him or her leave.

“Yes?” ask while my eyebrows rise betraying my curiosity.
It is a girl. A cute, unknown, young girl with long brown hair that is tied in a high ponytail. She is quite beautiful or at least her body is: big breasts, cute butt, long legs. Just my type.
“I… I… I…” she begins to speak but her cheeks are becoming redder by the seconds that pass and just can`t seem to find the words she looks for.
Innocent comes to mind. Not fun. But maybe I`ll just play with her like this for just a little while, until she says what is it that she wants.

“So with what can I help you, beautiful maiden?” I ask bashing my long black eyelashes at the girl.
And just like that I simply lose her. She looks into my midnight blue eyes and forgets all the words if I look closer I think that she also forgets to breath. Just like that. I so love my beautiful, innocent fans.
“Hey! Stop staring. Talk!” I say after a couple of minutes of mindless staring at each other.
The girl seems to come back to reality.

“Oh… sorry, sorry. I just wanted you to give me your autograph on this picture. But after seeing you… like this…” she says trying to swallow.
I look down at myself to see what the girl is seeing and realize that I have only a towel wrapt on my lower half. This is a little embarrassing. I forgot to put on pants, I was in front of my closet and forgot to put on pants! Where was my mind when I was dashing to the door? Behind me… surely.
“Well I don`t take pictures right now. But I`ll sign your photograph if you still want…”

“Of course!” says enthusiastically giving me the pen and the photo which I sign as fast as I can and then shut the door in her nose.
Not really the polite thing to do, but don`t care.
How did my fans found me? And most important how did she get in here? Shouldn`t this be a very well supervised building? Oh, well… shit happens.
Don`t get me wrong. I simply love the attention and all but sometimes it get really old and annoying. Don`t know who I taught it was at the door that I needed to dash like that, forgetting about my almost naked state.

Anyway, I still have three hours until I need to go so I sit on the couch trying to watch what was on. But then a melody appears in my head and along with it the lyrics for it.
“I was in a one sided love.
In a two sided bed…
This was just a game.
You played with my heart without my consent.
My heart, without consent.
I just wanted your love, your undying hope
Your smiling face to glow in the dark
Like a light of hope guiding me on the road to happiness
I wanted us to be happy in this cruel world
But I didn`t see the cruelty that was in your soul
And you played me,
You made out of me a hateful thing that I now resent.”

The melody still played in my head but the words were running away from me. I couldn`t grasp them, they were slipping through my fingers like water. So I stopped here. Maybe could finished it some other time when I`ll hear it again.
Someone knocks at the front door and wakes me from my dream like state. I go to open it with the hope that I`ll find some friend of mine not another fan struck girl.

“Hello!” I say when see that in front of me stands a very tall black guy in a black tuxedo with a white shirt.
He looks like he`s going to a wedding. I blink several times trying to remember if I met him somewhere before. But it is hopeless, can`t remember him.
“Good-day, sir.” He spoke in a very powerful voice that send chills on my spine.
“I`m here to pick you up and escort you to your photo shot. Are you ready or shall I give you a couple of minutes to get decent?” asks looking at me weird.
I look down and get the feeling of deja-vu. I`m still almost naked with only the towel on me. Lost my head, want it back.
God! How can someone forget to put on clothes? Twice in one day!

In ten minutes I get dressed. Nothing special because I know that they have there something for me to wear. I have a red T-shirt and a pair of black jeans.
“Oh, I`m Seiya Kou” I say holding my hand to shake his.
He takes mine and shake it hard.
“I`m Ted, but you may call me Big T” he says showing his white teeth.
“So, Big T you are my driver?” ask just to make small talk.
“No, Scott hired me to be your personal bodyguard.”
“Oh, so that is why you have those big bad muscles.” I say in a joking tone.
“Have a gun but don`t really like using it if I have a choice, you know?”

Didn`t actually know but nonetheless I shake my head implying that I understand.
When we got in the lobby the door man is inside trying to closing the doors so that the crazy girls wouldn`t come in.
“What is happening here?” ask nobody in particular.
“I forgot to tell you that there is a big crowd outside” tells me Big T.
“Oh, Mister Kou, sorry for this but someone saw you in the building and before I knew it this happened.” The door man says smiling with his eyes shut.
He was kind of creepy with his way of smiling. He looked like a snake and I hate those things.

“You! Open the door, we need to be somewhere. Mister Kou please stay behind me and I`ll get you past them to the limousine in one piece.” Big T told me.
I do as he said and hope for the best. The last time I was in a crowd like this, they almost ripped me apart. I was in such a mess when I got to the car that I needed to go home to change before going to the after party.
When the doors opened the screaming filled the lobby. They were crazy, screaming my name, asking me to marry them, to make them my lover.
I didn`t know how I got in the limousine but there I was safe from the fans while Big T was in the passenger seat in front. He opened the window that separated the back from the front to say something.
“You`re ok?”
“Yeah, feeling a like out of breath but fain.”

After I answered him, he closed the window and the limousine begun to move.
How could I tell him that I almost lost it when I was in that sea of people? It was like the world was collapsing all around me and all I could do was stand there and let it come down on me.
All those girls yelling that they love me. How can they say that? They don`t even know me. But how can I judge them when I`m doing the same thing? I`m obsessing like them about someone I know nothing about. The difference between me and that crazy bunch is that they know some details about my life, about me. I`m all over the news these days so it is impossible for someone who is my fan to not know anything about me, even though what they say on television is a lie.

Why am I thinking about this now? I have a photo shot to do and am thinking about her again…
How can her simple image bring in me feelings that I have forsaken so long ago? How can those damn feelings surface so fast? I thought I buried them so deep inside that I won`t reach them ever again… but I was so wrong, so, so wrong.
I rest my forehead against the cold black window of the car door. It feels so good, so cold against the boiling feeling that is tormenting me.
The rest of the drive I slept.

[Dark Blue]

Hey, Happy birthday>:D< ( Stiu ca e cam tarziu, si stiu ca acest comm o sa fie cam prea dur pentru un cadou, dar...sper ca la urmatorul capitol o sa pot sa-ti aduc numai laude, asa cum m-ai obisnuit.)
Ai rescris? De cand nu am mai trecut pe`aici…Sincer, mie imi place mai mult varianta a doua, desi mi se pare atat de cunoscuta idea si atat de folosita… sper din suflet ca o sa reusesti sa o transformi, si dupa parerea mea esti pe calea cea buna.

Nu ti-am mai lasat comm de mult, asa ca o sa o iau de la inceput. In primul capitol am gasit mult mai multe greseli de tastare si exprimare decat in celelalte, modul de exprimare era destul de ciudat si atat de nespecific tie, pe atunci crezand ca e din cauza faptului ca e scris in engleza, insa acum mi-ai demonstrat ce poti de fapt. Modul tau de a descrie s-a imbunatatit, dar stim amandoua ca tu poti mult mai mult, si daca poti sa o scrii in romana, eu cred ca poti sa o scrii si in engleza. Buuun, next:

La inceputul capitolului al doilea, si de fapt cam in tot capitolul doi ai lasat o gramada de spatiu, inteleg ca la inceput ai pus, deoarece era dialog, dar erau si unele parti in care chiar nu avea rost, dar am observat ca la urmatorul capitol totul a revenit la normal, asa ca asta nu mai e o problema prea mare, ramane de vazut daca ai repetat asta si la celelate ficuri.

Cum am mai spus si la inceput, idea mi se pare foarte folosita, (poate din cauza faptului ca in ultima vreme am citit o gramada de fan fics, unde e plin de chestii de astea), Dar am obsevat cateva lucruri care te scot din monotonie, si pe care sper sa le dezvolti cat mai mult, nu ai idée de cate ori am citit ficuri cu tanarul superstar, “bad boy”, care intalneste o tipa de care se indragosteste, si il face sa se schimbe si apoi “they lived happily ever after”, la un moment dat devine enervant…

Prin urmare, mi se pare o idée grozava sa rescrii primul capitol, deoarece eu cred ca desi scriai acelasi lucru, modul tau de a scrie s-a imbunatatit, sper din suflet sa ma insel si sa fie un adevarat “original fic”, si astept urmatorul capitol, pe care sper ca o sa reusesc sa-l citesc la timp. Spor la scris. >:D<

[BloodyInnocence]

sorry pt ca v-am facut sa asteptati:) dar uitati am pus un capitol lung, hope you all will enjoy it.
***

“So why do you go there if you don`t enjoy it?”
“Sincerely, I just don`t know. I really can`t say no to Michelle and can`t tell her that I don`t like that place.” I say while I put on what little make-up I wear day-to-day.
“Ablase, you are too good for your own sake.”
My boyfriend always says to me this thing and I know it`s true. Everyone tells me that I`m too kind, too good, too innocent, too something but don`t want to change. I like to see the good in the people around me because if I stop believing in the glass that is half full then I`ll become bitter and bad like other people. It is something that I believe with all my heart.

“I know, Damon please forgive me but I have to hang up now, ok? I have to go.” I say a bit sad because I can`t talk to the one I love.
“No problem, Ablase. I can`t talk either. I`ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“I`ll be waiting for your call, like always. Oh, and love you!”
“I love you too, take care!”

Before could say another word he hangs up. I know that he loves me and am not insecure about this but it just troubles me the way he ends the conversation, without letting me say another word. Anyway, I don`t have time to think about this because I need to get to Michelle`s studio fast. Promised my friend that I`ll be there to watch out for her. She gets crazy sometimes when she is around celebrity and today has a photo shot with one of them.

Grab my keys from the tray and get out the door, remembering to lock the door behind me.
I love my car. It is a yellow Nissan 3702. In my opinion it is a very feminine sports car, just perfect for a petite blond like me.
I arrive at the studio around half past one. Michelle and her team are freaking about the celebrity that they`ll gonna photograph and aren`t paying attention to me. So I pick a little corner and a chair to sit down next to the window. Oh, how I love to go to the park and photograph the scenery. I met Michelle in the photograph class in college and we just clicked. She loved photographing people while I liked shooting scenery and animals, landscapes. My landscapes and her photos and we make some beautiful images.

The studio is more like a big room with all kind of photographic equipment laying everywhere. There is only one small window that most of the time is covered to keep the light from ruining the photos. There are three other smaller rooms. One is the bathroom, the other is where my friend and I develop the photos and the last is the changing room where the people can do their make-up or whatever there is they do there.
Hate it here. I don`t like working in this place because sometimes Michelle`s customers hit on me or the only came so that I will take their photo. Don`t understand why they want me behind the camera because I only do landscapes not portraits. Can`t bring out the beauty of the target like Michelle does.
After twenty or so minutes my friend finally acknowledges my presence and comes to give me a big bear hug so tight that I almost lose my breath.

“Ablase! I am so glad that you came!” screams happily in my ear.
“Promised I would, didn`t I?” ask her smiling.
“You won`t believe who I`ll photograph today.” Says with enthusiasm in her voice.
Haven`t heard her this excited about something since that good for nothing boyfriend of her dumped her. Glad she found something that makes her smile that beautiful smile of hers. Michelle has this smile that simply lights her features, gives her a brightness that equals the suns.
“So guess!” says while trying to arrange her long blonde hair.
“Oh, I better not. You know I`m not that into celebrities and stuff…” I tell her putting my hand behind my head and smiling.

“Please?” she asks looking at me with her big sky blue puppy eyes.
“Okay. Let`s see… ASA?”
Michelle shakes her head implying that is a “no”.
“Cicero?”
I try again.
I try to find a boy band or boys that will get her this excited but I`m not that good at this. Don`t follow the news about who`s hot and who`s not. It doesn`t interest me so much but my friend is always trying to have a relationship with someone famous. Me, myself don`t see the attraction in dating someone who`s famous. You aren`t really alone, it is like every moment of the day someone is watching you. The privacy is non-existent and I wonder sometimes how they can live in the spotlight like this.
“Oh, leave it. I`ll tell you. Seiya Kou, the famous pop star is in New York and has a photo shot appointment with us! Isn`t this great? Seiya Kou… tall with long delicious black silky hair and a pair of midnight blue eyes that will freeze you on the spot! Oh, and do not forget about his beautifully built body…” she says with little stars in her eyes.
The name isn`t familiar, I didn`t hear about this person until now but it isn`t something unusual for me.
“You mean he has an appointment with you not with `us`.” I correct her.

“Actually… I didn`t say anything to you because I was sure you will refuse but…”
Michelle says looking apologetic at me.
“Michelle, what did you do?” I ask getting a little concerned.
“His manager called, Scott something, and he asked for you but when I began explaining to him that you just do landscapes and modify pictures he said this crazy sum of money and I just couldn`t refuse.” She explains.
“Oh, Michelle! We didn`t need the money so… bad. We earn enough and plus you know I don`t like to be thrown in the spot light like this!”

The main reason why I don`t photograph people, especially celebrities is because if you take a couple of pictures of them you will be thrown in their world so fast you don`t know what hit you and it happens whether you like it or not. Everybody begins to talk about your photos and watches your career trying to find out some dirt. And oh, man do I have dirt and secrets! No, I stayed away this long from the media I have to find a way to keep it like this.
“I know, Ablase, but if we do this will have enough money to go to Paris for a hole year without having to work. This is our dream, isn`t it?”
“That much? But why would he pay us this much money for some simple photos?” I ask.

Something just isn`t right here. Nobody, celebrity or not celebrity, pays so much for a single photo shot.
“What is the catch Michelle?”
“Nothing gets by you. We have to put a girl in his arms. He doesn’t know about it and if he finds out he won`t do the shot so we have to modify them a little.”
“I`m not photographing him and I don`t want the credit for the photos. I`ll modify them but just that and nothing else. Okay, Mina?”
“You`re the best!”
My friend screams and hugs me so tight I almost lose my breath for the second time this day.
“Hold on a second. This time next year I`ll be married. I can`t go to Paris with you for a hole year.” I say and see the sadness appear in her eyes.
“Can`t you wait? You know what I think about that guy. He didn`t deserve you when we were in college and he certainly don`t deserve you not. Always going on trips for whole months and leaving you behind to wait for him and then he doesn`t call for weeks. You are making a big mistake, Ablase.”

“I don`t want to talk about this Michelle. I love him, he loves me. He is the one. So let`s just not talk about this anymore.”
“Very well, but I still think you are making a big mistake.”
Everyone stops what they are doing to look at the two of us fighting, it is the first time they saw us like this. We have two girls and one boy to help us with our equipment and sometimes one of them comes with me on my little trips to find something interesting to photograph.
“Get to work and stop steering!”
I yell at them and they go back to work.

In the next moment a big black man enters the studio followed by a white boy with long pitch black hair. One of our girl helpers, her name is Clarisa and is a petite brunet with feisty personality goes to greet them.

“Good day, gentlemen. With what can I help you?” she asks batting her eyelashes at the white one.
“I am Kou Seiya and my manager Scot Barnell made an appointment for today at two o`clock.” The white one says.
Clarisa looks at him trying to remember something that she forgot, at least this is what I make out of her expression while mister Kou waits patiently to be recognized. I put a hand in front of my mouth and try not to laugh. I would`ve been in the same situation if Michelle didn`t informed me about his identity. The only distinction between me and her is that in spite of her brunet hair she`s in fact a totally blond one. She isn`t going to recognize him anytime soon and the other two are trying to have all the things ready for the shot.

Michelle looks at me, begging me silently with her eyes to go and help Clarisa out but I raise my hands in front of me, refusing her. She accepted the job, it is her problem. I don`t want to be involved with someone like him. He looks pretty cocky and a player. I really don`t need to attract his attention, especially since I`m recently engaged. Remembering this fact, I look at my ring. The beautiful heart shape stone is the color of a pall pink and is so finely crafted in a classical design that I just fell in love with it. Pink isn`t really my color of choice, don`t know why everyone assumes that I like pink, when in fact I love midnight blue. It is something almost mystical about this color. It is the one that the sky takes at night and it is the one that the heart of the ocean took from God knows where.
“Jones?”
I hear my friend calling my name with concern in her voice.

“Yes, Taylor?” I say knowing before looking at her that the customer was in earshot proximity and had to act professionally.
I wasn`t prepared to meet midnight blue, especially since I was just thinking about this color, eyes looking at me with such shook and… I don`t know what that something else is in his eyes… maybe curiosity? In those deep midnight blue just in the center of them I see a spark that doesn`t belong there. My heart stops and I forget to breath, something that haven`t happened to me since so long ago. When I forgot about those butterflies that made my stomach jingle? Where did they go? Remember that I was so calm when Damon proposed, that I only screamed and hugged him because that was what I was supposed to do. That was what everyone wanted to see me do but am I actually happy? Am I actually in love with him?

“This is Kou Seiya, the famous pop singer and we are going to photograph him today” , after a short pause she exploded, “isn`t it great? I mean Kou Seiya, here, in person!”
Michelle screamed jumping up and down just being her happy, no worries self.
Seiya just smiled and tried to act as if this didn`t bothered him at all, as if he was used to this kind of reactions. But I can see that he would prefer if we would act normal.
“Nice to meet you, mister Kou. I am… one of Michelle`s assistants.”
I say extending my hand to shake his and giving him a warm smile or I hope it is a warm one.

I don`t feel like smiling right now because his midnight blues just shook my world. Intentionally didn`t mention my name, didn`t want his attention. Especially, when I am feeling so exposed and am questioning my feelings for the one that I`ve been with for the last five years. Five years means three of college and two of high school. How can I question my feelings after so long? After so many happy moments, dreams about getting married to Damon and having his children and just being happy, why do I question them now? What is with this feeling that I`m doing something wrong all of a sudden? That something is missing. Oh, get a grip already! I`m just having second thoughts about this hole engagement thing and the fact that Damon had to go all of a sudden doesn`t help me at all.

When I wake yp from my thoughts I can see that Michelle is quietly trying to fix the light in the studio not letting anyone touching anything and refusing with stubbornness any help while Seiya is just steering at me, smiling a very disturbing smile. It makes him look like a wolf that has in front of him a very juicy sheep and is ready to attack.
“Why are you steering at me, Mister Kou?” I ask as polite as I can.
“Oh, sorry. I just… was thinking of how much fun it will be if we would go out sometimes, so what do you say?: he ask me continuing to smile in that same way.

Blinking a couple of times, I try to swallow the nod that appeared in my throat. Want to say “no”, to refuse him but can`t really get the words out.
“It`s okay sugar if you are a little overwhelmed. Everyone is when I invite them out.”
When those words of his struck home I feel a wave of rage washing over me. Who does he think he is calling me “sugar” and assuming that because I can`t find my words the answer is “yes”? he is just as bad as all the rest of the celebrities. Just a playboy.
“Why would you assume that I would have said yes?”
“Because I`m one hell of a catch.”

“Yeah, really sorry, but I`m taken. See this beautiful ring on this finger?” I ask showing him my heart shape ring.
For just a fraction of a second I see on his face something that looks very much as sadness but it may be my eyes that are playing tricks on me. He looks just as cocky as ever.
“It`s pink.” He says keeping his cool.
“So? If it is pink, what?”
I try to get my hand away but he catches my hand so that he`ll have a good look at my ring.
“It`s kind of ugly too. I mean, it`s a pink heart made of some cheap stone set in a cheap ring. It doesn`t suit you.” He affirms giving my hand back after placing a small kiss on the back of it that gives me shivers down my spine.

“You know nothing about me or my fiancée so bug off you jerk!” I say storming out of the studio.
Who the hell he think he is? Saying those kind of things about my beautiful engagement ring and implying that my only true love isn`t my true love because of a stupid ring. Money doesn`t matter, nothing but love matters. I get into my car and drive around the city until I calm down.

[Dark Blue]

Oh, why did u stopped!?
Da, asta chiar ca`i un capitol foarte lung. Nu ma intelege gresit, chiar il ador, ma enerveaza doar faptul a te-ai oprit exact la momentul nepotrivit. Imi place foarte mult totul in special faptul ca ai modificat caracterul lui Seya, e mai dur fata de cel din primul capitol (cel pe care trebuia sa-l ignor. Scuze :D)

Nu stiu daca sunt cea mai in masura sa fac asta, dar am gasit cateva greseli, de tastare, sper:
"what little make-up" ar suna mai bine that little....
"yp"
"stop steering" - ai mai scris asa de vreo doua ori. Stiam ca ceva nu e in regula, si conform GoogleTranslate "steering" inseamna director. Cred ca vroiai sa scrii "staring"
Si...cam atatate greseli am gasit. Am mai observat uneori si lipsa lui I, si in general lipsa unor persoane din anumite fraze, dar banuiesc ca asta e stilul tau.
Urmatorul capitol e la fel de mare, nu? Povestea sunt sigura ca o sa fie la fel de buna.
Spor la scris>:D<