Letter to Santa Generator

[Daria v2]

Dear Santa Claus,

This year, I have been a very manipulative little advertising tampon. I have compulsively lied, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of presents this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring the onset of menopause. For my daddy, please bring a new neck tie. For my big sister, please bring a soccer ball. For my hampster, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my cleaning lady, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Scooby Doo videos, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get autographs! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.

Love,

Daria

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to Mrs. Claus.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Narnia? She has been a really naughty cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put coal in their stocking. Thanks!