FOTM - Februarie - Lucrari

[Lia]

O sa revin asupra celor doua lucrari astazi, si o sa le spun si lui Paradox si Cersei sa isi termine criticile.

Lucrarea 3: The true tale of Snow White

a. Originality - I have to say that I have been impressed with the way the story twisted in your cracked fairy-tale version of Snow White. It reminds me a bit of Anne Boleyn's story, but the drama is pushed to a lesser extent. At first, I've thought that you are going for a dark comedic approach, yet I was surprised that it aimed for a short sad happening, reminiscent of Witches Abroad's conflict. I have read a cracked version of Little Red Riding Hood, and this bending of the Snow White fable is something that I find original.

b. Dialogue - It's quite evenly dosed, neither over the edge nor classified as an endangered species, which is fairly balanced, if I may say. It resembles a real life conversation scenario between old friends that have a long past behind and haven't seen each other in a while.

c. Text structure - I haven't noticed any disturbance in the force here, everything seems to be on point and on task. The text has enough space to breathe in between paragraphs and it's organized neatly.

d. Grammar - Same as with the previous bullet, no cracks as far as I'm concerned. Or if there are any, they have managed to elude me.

e. Overall impression - It's a good spin on a perfect canonical tale, with a seemingly happy to be ending that turns sour and gruesome. I vote for thee


Lucrarea 4: The fire of youth

a. Originality - The story of Snow White from the Prince's point of view is quite an unexpected turn of the barrel, to be concise. I don't think I have ever stumbled upon this take before and I am pleased with I've read. Great creative response to the imposed theme.

b. Dialogue - For a rather longer creation as compared to the others in the competition, I have to say that I was keen on reading a bit of a line exchange between characters which didn't exactly occur, so I am bit disappointed. Nonetheless the little amount present is of good quality and that always thrives against quantity.

c. Text structure - I would've liked the first half of the text to be a bit more airy, allowing the reader to have a better reading flow. The format that the page imposes is a bit bearing on the eyes if not controlled by the author to his/her likeness ergo it's a bit tiring and puts the reader off the text. Except for more space between paragraphs, I don't think I have anything to add here.

d. Grammar - You have a few slips in what concerns composition. At first I haven't really noticed it, but at a better glance they rise to the surface. You seem to have a bit of trouble with tenses, but noticeable only for a keen eye. Too many 'and' where the sentence should have been broken into ones of lesser length.

e. Overall impression - The detailed description offered a slow immersion into the world the story takes place, yet it seems to be rushed towards the end. A bit over the top in decorating the background if you understand what I mean. That would be reason I haven't chosen this text. Excellent language control, for which I give you the thumbs up.