Cand viata se complica

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Cand viata se complica

Leontina Deconectat

Deconectat

just me...

Răspunsuri: 201
Subiecte: 6
Data înregistrării: Jul 2011
Reputație: 12
Zupi: 736 z

#7

12-08-2011, 09:26 PM

Iata-ma din nou aici. Sunt cam adormita deci nu stiu cat de bun va fi comentariul meu, dar oricum.
Am observat ca tu incerci sa pui mai multa descriere, ceea ce e bine, dar inca mai trebuie. Nu-i descrii foarte mult sentimentele si ar trebui sa incerci sa o faci. Nici gesturile lor nu le prea descrii. In anumite locuri s-a inteles din dialog, dar totusi.
Dialogul este mult, mai redu din el. Este prea mult comaprativ cu descrierea. Desi anumite schimburi de replici m-au amuzat, altele puteau fi inlocuite cu vorbire indirecta.
La greselile de tastare nu am fost foarte atenta, dar parca nu mai ai chiar atat de multe ca la inceput.

Cam atat. Spor la scris.

[Imagine: air_gear_by_zzfoxzz-d31fttj.png]

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Răspunsuri în acest subiect

Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 06-08-2011, 09:35 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 10-08-2011, 11:38 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Fiction - 11-08-2011, 01:52 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 11-08-2011, 11:58 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 11-08-2011, 12:32 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 12-08-2011, 10:49 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 12-08-2011, 09:26 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 13-08-2011, 12:16 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 13-08-2011, 07:31 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 13-08-2011, 09:24 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 14-08-2011, 08:01 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 14-08-2011, 09:31 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 16-08-2011, 12:13 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 16-08-2011, 07:16 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 17-08-2011, 02:38 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 17-08-2011, 03:06 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 17-08-2011, 04:35 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 18-08-2011, 11:21 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 18-08-2011, 01:00 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 18-08-2011, 08:06 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 18-08-2011, 09:20 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 19-08-2011, 01:48 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 19-08-2011, 02:22 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 20-08-2011, 08:37 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 20-08-2011, 09:50 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 22-08-2011, 12:49 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 22-08-2011, 01:48 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 23-08-2011, 03:03 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 23-08-2011, 03:35 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 24-08-2011, 12:34 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 24-08-2011, 01:26 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 25-08-2011, 09:57 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 25-08-2011, 10:22 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 26-08-2011, 04:56 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 26-08-2011, 05:10 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 27-08-2011, 04:21 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 27-08-2011, 10:11 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 27-08-2011, 11:40 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 28-08-2011, 10:01 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 28-08-2011, 01:08 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 28-08-2011, 01:44 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 28-08-2011, 03:11 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 29-08-2011, 11:44 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 29-08-2011, 12:05 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 29-08-2011, 03:17 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Akane Hime - 29-08-2011, 03:20 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 30-08-2011, 11:12 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 30-08-2011, 11:53 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 30-08-2011, 12:17 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 31-08-2011, 10:22 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 31-08-2011, 10:48 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 31-08-2011, 11:20 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 01-09-2011, 10:13 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 01-09-2011, 10:32 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 01-09-2011, 12:35 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 02-09-2011, 10:12 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 02-09-2011, 11:33 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Akane Hime - 02-09-2011, 11:37 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 02-09-2011, 11:53 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 03-09-2011, 07:20 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 03-09-2011, 08:14 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 04-09-2011, 07:06 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 04-09-2011, 09:29 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 05-09-2011, 08:09 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 05-09-2011, 10:31 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 06-09-2011, 06:56 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 06-09-2011, 07:13 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 07-09-2011, 12:55 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 07-09-2011, 09:04 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 07-09-2011, 11:54 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Akane Hime - 08-09-2011, 07:19 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 08-09-2011, 11:06 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 08-09-2011, 08:05 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 08-09-2011, 09:08 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 09-09-2011, 05:34 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 10-09-2011, 10:47 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 10-09-2011, 01:36 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 10-09-2011, 11:44 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 16-09-2011, 08:53 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 17-09-2011, 10:37 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 17-09-2011, 01:53 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 25-09-2011, 11:07 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 25-09-2011, 11:47 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 25-09-2011, 02:05 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 02-10-2011, 05:05 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 02-10-2011, 07:33 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 04-10-2011, 09:34 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 04-10-2011, 09:56 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 05-10-2011, 04:08 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 10-10-2011, 09:26 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 11-10-2011, 01:05 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 11-10-2011, 02:56 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 13-10-2011, 08:47 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 13-10-2011, 09:45 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de hiimera - 15-10-2011, 01:48 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 21-10-2011, 10:20 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 21-10-2011, 05:27 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 27-10-2011, 08:54 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Akane Hime - 27-10-2011, 09:11 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 28-10-2011, 02:50 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Blanket - 28-10-2011, 06:46 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 31-10-2011, 10:24 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 01-11-2011, 11:27 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 06-11-2011, 09:01 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Googga - 06-11-2011, 09:46 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 20-11-2011, 09:39 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 21-11-2011, 09:24 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Googga - 25-11-2011, 12:57 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 08-12-2011, 09:52 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 08-12-2011, 11:02 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 11-12-2011, 07:41 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 11-12-2011, 08:16 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 25-12-2011, 08:18 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 26-12-2011, 04:43 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Blanket - 27-12-2011, 04:04 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de LoLix - 31-12-2011, 01:12 AM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 07-01-2012, 07:58 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 07-01-2012, 08:16 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Miss M - 12-01-2012, 08:31 PM

RE: Life is complicated - de Leontina - 13-01-2012, 08:59 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 29-01-2012, 10:01 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 31-01-2012, 12:45 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de ~Dana~ - 02-02-2012, 12:30 AM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 04-02-2012, 09:44 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 05-02-2012, 12:56 AM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 09-02-2012, 09:18 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 09-02-2012, 09:56 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 10-02-2012, 01:13 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 25-02-2012, 09:59 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 26-02-2012, 09:42 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 26-02-2012, 10:09 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 13-03-2012, 10:17 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 14-03-2012, 06:05 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 15-03-2012, 08:40 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 12-04-2012, 06:01 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de matzaplouata - 15-05-2012, 06:52 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 08-06-2012, 08:22 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 09-06-2012, 02:35 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Chris`sCookie - 09-06-2012, 03:03 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 19-06-2012, 08:34 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 20-06-2012, 09:15 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 21-06-2012, 09:25 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 29-06-2012, 06:35 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 30-06-2012, 12:39 AM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 01-07-2012, 09:25 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 12-07-2012, 10:15 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Leontina - 14-07-2012, 12:58 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 20-07-2012, 06:55 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Miss M - 20-07-2012, 09:02 PM

RE: Cand viata se complica - de Skywalker - 14-09-2012, 08:57 PM

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