31-03-2011, 04:19 PM
Buna, am citit toate capitolele si pot spune ca in aceasta ultima parte, ai evoluat mult.
Mi-a placut faptul ca ai mai adaugat descriere, insa inca mai merge.
Dialogul mi se pare sec. Incearca sa il faci mai interesant.
Actiunea este grabita. Incearca sa o mai incetinesti adaugand mai multa descriere.
Cu naratiunea stai destul de bine, asa ca nu am ce comenta.
Ideea mi se pare originala, sper sa o mentii asa si in continuare.
Am vazut cateva greseli de tastare, insa nu foarte mari. Incearca sa iti corectezi capitolul inainte de a-l posta.
Astept continuarea. Spor la scris!
Mi-a placut faptul ca ai mai adaugat descriere, insa inca mai merge.
Dialogul mi se pare sec. Incearca sa il faci mai interesant.
Actiunea este grabita. Incearca sa o mai incetinesti adaugand mai multa descriere.
Cu naratiunea stai destul de bine, asa ca nu am ce comenta.
Ideea mi se pare originala, sper sa o mentii asa si in continuare.
Am vazut cateva greseli de tastare, insa nu foarte mari. Incearca sa iti corectezi capitolul inainte de a-l posta.
Astept continuarea. Spor la scris!
~ I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible... ~
Elizabeth Wurtzel
My fic: http://animezup.com/forum/showthread.php...884&page=3
]I love my family :X They are my life
My mom' : KittyKat
Surorile mele dragute : Renesmee, Elvira, Mailin, Sasame, FrogyGirl
My twin sis' : ~ Black Heart ~
Ficele mele mult iubite: Ame si ♪ Ąѕђą ♪
My Grannie : Venus- Roseta
Nepotica mea : Ioanayoana, ßéкi♡
Ma friend: Moxxy
Nora mea: Oxygen
Matusile mele minunate: Contagieuse, Tigroaica
Ma uncle : Danysor
Elizabeth Wurtzel
My fic: http://animezup.com/forum/showthread.php...884&page=3
]I love my family :X They are my life
My mom' : KittyKat
Surorile mele dragute : Renesmee, Elvira, Mailin, Sasame, FrogyGirl
My twin sis' : ~ Black Heart ~
Ficele mele mult iubite: Ame si ♪ Ąѕђą ♪
My Grannie : Venus- Roseta
Nepotica mea : Ioanayoana, ßéкi♡
Ma friend: Moxxy
Nora mea: Oxygen
Matusile mele minunate: Contagieuse, Tigroaica
Ma uncle : Danysor